Currently I have calming music on my headphones. Close my eyes, breathe – inhale and smell everything around me. Hours old coffee baked onto the warmer, spaghetti sauce from dinner, clothes detergent, slightly damp dog, grainy soggy cereal, hot water and steeping tea. Breathing deeper I can detect hints of shampoo and soap, bath bubbles, and body spray or perfume that Kristin uses before going to work. Breathe in, breathe in, breathe… It’s amazing how just the right music can pull the needed emotions at the right time. A long couple of days at work, health not 100 percent, and certain music can just remove varying layers of tension that I didn’t even know I had. Heart beats in time with the melody, crescendo and the air seems to envelope me… breathe in breathe in.
I’m constantly fascinated by the simple things. Being the last to arrive at a 4-way stop and watching all the other drivers turn at just the exact right moment … everything seems to flow. Touching hands, fingers ever so slightly tapping someone else’s palm, a little tingle of acknowledgment shivers up the spine. Trying to take a sip of a milkshake that has melted enough you think you can almost drink it, half of the ice cream falls on your face and ending up looking like a clown that forgot how to eat. Getting out of a warm bed to start getting ready for the day ahead, realizing it is not time to get up yet and getting back under still warm blankets like it is an extra treat.
Breathe…
Mind wandering it eventually lands back on Kristin. Would I do everything with her over again, a question that eventually come up in most long term relationships. Would I go through all the same almost imperceivable alienation from peers, would I suffer through arguments, would I have children with her again? I feel the answer has to be a resounding yes. I wouldn’t be who I am today without her in my life. She’s corrected me and strengthened me in ways she can’t even fathom, many of which I don’t even know myself. She asks me time and time again why I love her, why do I stay with her day after day, month after month, year after year; I love her because she’s there, I love her because she knows me, I love her because she is me and I am her. I can’t imagine anyone else to be with. Even though I’m not a big talker (anyone who knows me knows this) we can have conversations about almost anything. We stay up hours after both of us should have gone to sleep just to talk about our days at work, some new tidbit we learned, something silly the children did, anything. One night we stayed up for hours just to talk about VeggiTale (kids cartoon series) tunes, we even called a friend because we thought she might remember the words or tune to one song that we both had forgotten (said friend knows us and took it in stride). Kristin is …
Music fades, next song on the playlist comes up and all silly thoughts have vanished. A dog nose nudges my pins-and-needles foot to remind me to start moving soon, I’m taking up much desired real estate. I need to get ready for almost nightly rituals, chins must be tucked (not by me tonight, but I’m going to double tuck later anyway), and late night sugar needs to be checked tonight. Music can truly tame the beast.
